I finished up work today and headed to the store to make goody bags! I wanted to see Michael and take him all the cards everyone had sent in! I also wanted to visit another friends baby who happened to have surgery and was still at Choc. But then I got another text that yet another friend was in there with her little girl who had an accident and needed surgery! So of I went to make sure they all had a little surprise! Ava helped me pick things out and we stuffed the bags and grabbed them and we were off!

I texted Michael's dad to make sure he was up for visitor's he said he was tired but to please come. Then he thanked me for having my friend Gary come by...? Umm I thought who the heck is Gary and is there some random dude going to see my nephew? As quickly as I had that thought I immediately knew who it was! There are always people you can count on to fill in the gaps in your life and this has been one of those people in

mine. Gary is a dear friend of my parents and seems to always know when the Rapoport clan needs him. He is there for weddings, for helping with baby showers and of course always comes to sit with mom or dad if someone is sick in the hospital! But why hadn't he called and told me? How did he get the room number? Didn't he feel weird about walking in a room where he had never met the kid or his parent's? Nope! and this my friends is why I love Gary! He saw a need and figured it out! Rarely when you are in a hospital and someone comes to see your child will you ever turn them away, but most of us don't have the strength to just ACT!

So a big giant thank you to you Gary! I love you for being you, I love you for helping our family whenever we need it! I love you for being the kind of man you are!

Ava and I got to Choc and saw Michael, it was a bit of a family reunion of sorts. He looked a little less swollen and seem to feel a little better. We opened each card and I was privileged enough to get to read everyone to him! They made me cry! m

Mostly because they were from so many of you that I didn't even know had sent him one! People sent gift cards, I-tunes and so on!! It was a sweet sweet time with him. However I am not the one that got the smiles from him, that was reserved for Miss Ava! Ava seemed cautious but would come back and fourth near his bed and would smile or pop her head out from behind me! I swear Michael would immediately brighten up! I guess I know who to bring from now on!

As I was reading cards to him a nurse came in and I realized very quickly it was one of Morgan's nurses from 6 years ago when we spent a week on that Oncology floor! My eyes welled up and I said " you were my daughter's nurse a long time ago" She said I remember you! And regardless if she did or didn't it was so unbelievable to see this women still there day after day taking care of these kids!

Next I went to the 4th floor where I saw Dorinda, a little girl that had broken her arm. She was sound asleep the way only little children sleep or adults taking Ambian ;) She was getting read y to go home with her pretty blue cast and all her stuffed animals.

And last but not least was Olivia, now I gotta say someone might need to take out an Amber alert on me because I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS BABY! OK so I'm a little nuts over this one because she was born on my birthday and I felt connected to her from then on! She was having a heart valve fixed. When she was born they told mama and daddy it didn't look good for her! Well I am sorry but they don't know how many people have prayed for this beauty! She is now doing so well after her valve replacement that she will go home tomorrow!

So many times I have to go there with the kids for different appointments and every time I feel sick looking at how big the hospital is and how filled it is! I often just put my hand on the wall and pray! Pray to God that know one has to walk out those door's without their kid! But I know they do, and that is haunting to me. Today however I went on almost every floor and I touched each one of those kids and prayed over them a very quick prayer that the Lord would heal there body's and be with them always! I left there on a high I assume you can only get from illegal drug use. This is what I'm suppose to do! It's to go to these kids and pray for there body's, for there family's, and to find healing for myself through it all.

I'm headed off to my girls weekend and I'm so excited to just laugh , giggle, dance and hopefully not wet my pants!

Do you have people in your life that you have known forever and when they tell you they are proud of you, you can feel yourself get excited? I do and it's the same people that even when I was little and looked like I needed some real hair help and contacts they still made me feel like I had something to contribute! I have a lot of these people! I am very blessed! It got me thinking that people often only remember the way someone made you feel! Not what you did or they did but how they made you feel when you were around them! I really want to be the kind of person that when people leave me they think ....."I feel better or uplifted" I will be working on that ;)

Today I read one of my FB friends comments and she was talking about how she just sent her Little girl off to camp. Scary the first time for any mama, but this little one is type 1! That through's a whole new wrench into the game! She was saying how even though her child is not there she still wakes up for blood sugar checks in the night! I will surely be doing this too this weekend! Even though you aren't with your little people they are always with you! Yeah even when I take a sleeping aid! Still wake up same bat time, same bat channel! Mama's instincts are hard to break!
Ava had a low today and was able to tell me she was "feeling shaky" I'm so glad that she is at the point where she can feel something is not right! Not that I wont prick her finger's the same amount of times because let's face it she's sneaky and knows how to work me when she wants apple juice or oj.

I thought this blog would be about Ava and my daily struggles but I have been inspired! and I think when I saw that my nephew was back in the hospital for the 3rd time with leukemia I just needed to do something. But what? well I had seen another child fighting cancer and someone in his family asked people to send him cards to inspire him or just make him laugh! They did! over 1000 cards! I thought wow all you have to do is ask people and they will help! So I did and immediately I got responses! The cards are comin in baby! I think Ava and me are more excited about the mail than Michael may be about getting the dang cards! I also was thinking about how a few weeks ago my husband had been given tickets to an Angel's game and we couldn't use them. I thought about the kids I have been so blessed to meet in my life the ones fighting cancer or the other diabetic kids I have met through there moms! I decided to asked one of "my kid's " moms and see if he may want to use the tickets! She was thrilled! He had the best time and I did too getting pictures from him and his dad eating hot dogs and cheering all night! This kid wasn't thinking about all his treatments with chemo or the radiation burns on his body or how he may not grow to "normal size" Nope he was thinkin how he could get dad to buy him another hot dog and if the Angels were gonna have a win that night!

The next week I got a similar question..."hey bek, do you have anymore tickets you could get for an Angels game? I saw the other little boy on your FB page and thought I would ask. Well I didn't but I figured I will "just ask" And within the next few hours I got a message from a friend who posted what I had asked on her FB page. One of her friends responded to her and said " I have tickets and he can have them!" Now this was a perfect stranger to me and to Parker, my diabetic buddy whose mama had asked about him going!
This surprised me again! It shouldn't have but did! People want to help they just aren't sure how to! And I was thinking I know there is MAKE A WISH and some of those organizations but why do these kids have to be on deaths door to get to go to a game or a show? Why not just asked people, connect them if you will? Someone has something they can't use and would like to see a kid who often can't afford to do the extras because mom and dad are just barely making it to keep the insurance they have! So out of that I decided to make a way through me to the kids. One's that I know that need a little pick me up after having hospital stays and countless doctor appointments!
So I'm "Just going to ask" and see how far this can go!

There are so many people to thank for helping me with this little adventure! My sister's who sit and listens and go through idea's with me! Holly who is brilliant and is my "person" who makes me feel proud of myself whenever I talked to her! For my FB friends who when I "JUST ASK" them to do something they are on it! And most importantly for these kids who make me want to be a better person! Who make me want to go out on the street and if I had to beg for something! They are the real hero's! My big girl who first taught me true courage when faced with cancer! Who I watched go through tests that I had never even heard of and had to sit back and watch her endure! And for precious ava! My little big girl who has needles stuck in her tummy, and port sights in her rump and thousands of pricks on her finger's and rarely makes a fuss! You amaze me and I love you!

If you know of a child in your life that needs something? Maybe even just a card to cheer them up after a hospital stay or while they are recovering from a chemo treatment, ask me! Let me see who may be out there willing to help! And if you think you can help in any small way let me know!! By encouraging words or cards or if you ever know you have tickets to something you cant use, let me know! Let me try to connect you with a kid who you may be able to help! Or parent's that rarely get out because they tend to there special needs kids!
I will "just ask" for you! it can't hurt but it sure could help!

she's leaving

So I absolutely do not feel like writing anything today because my sister who has been here for 2 weeks is leaving tomorrow and going back to Rhode Island. Ava on the other hand is excited to get her room back (that by the way she never sleeps in!)

This will be the start of preparation's for her starting kindergarten! I'm scared and still unsure as to how this will all work with her blood sugar's being check and being bolused at school? Who will do it? How will they know when to? Will they know when she is low? Will they watch her close enough? There are only 1000 question's I need answered but I'm going on faith and hope! Or sheer stupidity! Not sure which but either way I will be there every step of the way to make sure she gets the care she needs! Friday I leave for the weekend and Ava will be home with daddy! These weekends always give me anxiety and yet I know I need them and she does too! I feel like there are so many things going on right now that I need to get my self involved with! To help, to make some kind of difference and yet there is a strange blockage that always seems to creep in! FEAR!

Of what? Yeah I'm not quit sure either! I'm off to spend these last few hours with my sister's.

I will start off by saying I'm a virgin! yep a 38 year old virgin, to blogging that is. I'm a slow start but once I get going there is no telling how it will end. It seems the diabetic child thrives on consistency and routine, something I have never really been interested in. I'm a run outta the house and hope there's enough gas in the car to get where I'm going kinda girl. You know the one, when your driving and the light starts to ring and you make bets with yourself as to how far you can really make it! Cross your finger's and hope for the best! Yeah that's me! This has not always served me well with Ava. She likes to take things nice and slow and often asks ..."Mama, why are we going so fast? What are we in a hurry for?" and it's a valid question! Since rarely is there any time schedule in what we do! I'm just in a hurry to get to whatever "it" is. This has been one of the most difficult weeks as a mom of a diabetic. There were some babysitting issue's and so as it turns out my 18 yr. old and her boyfriend watched Ava for a few hours for me. I got the call we all dread! " mom Ava's blood sugars keep going up!" Clearly her pump was not working correctly. I said OK just give her an injection and I will do a sight change when I get home. Then it came....."Mom I think I gave Ava too much insulin" and they did! 3 x's the amount she should have gotten! I will tell you I can't even begin to tell you how I felt! I called 911 and Morgan took Ava to my sisters where the ambulance met them. Now at this point my sister's good sense kicked in and she told Ava the ambulance was here to "give her a ride" which anyone that knows this little girl would know this would be a highlight! This kid is all about public service! She already knows she wants to be an animal cop and makes me pretend I'm an abusive owner and she is taking me in! So for her this was a thrill, for my other daughter Morgan this was a nightmare as it was for me! I was on the freeway stuck behind every old person or broken down car that has ever been on the road! I pleaded with God to please let me get there, I screamed the most gut wrenching cry, I asked why this was happening to my baby and frankly I said a lot of things I would be in deep trouble with Ava for! But I got there by the grace of God and she was OK! The lowest her blood sugar went was 50. Now this is low but I have had lower. I had know idea how her body would respond to this.

When I got there after many wrong turns and parking where I was not suppose to I saw a little girl with a big smile and real good story to tell. Of course she had know real understanding of what had happened and I'm thankful for that. Now the fun part starts! The true and frightening part about this disease is that doctor's often do not have a real grasp in regards to the pump or even diabetes's for that matter! And so this is where my warning comes in, question EVERYTHING! They do not know everything and in some cases a lot less then we do as caregivers for these kids! The hospital admitted her and treated her for slight DKA. Yeah I know if your not a parent of a diabetic you don't know what that means, just trust me it's not good. But with the help of My sister Jessy who is my personal spokeshole! Who when I give her the "look" she knows to start asking question's a sort of good guy bad guy routine if you will, where I'm always the good guy. We spent a long night there where the nurses actually over bolused

Ava! yeah you heard me right! They gave her too much insulin also! So We all started the big press to get released and back on the pump routine. They refused to let Ava be put back on the pump there because.... get this! The nurses and doctor's don't know or understand the inner workings of the pump! Scared? yeah we are too! and so we got home safe and sound and Ava was bossing us all around the next day! This has to be the end of this week right! Nope not even close bud! But right now I'm enjoying listening to her heavy breath next to me and I'm willing to call it a night!